my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
