Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
