who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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