Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
