yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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