ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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