After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
