He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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