so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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