can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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