i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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