worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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