Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
