my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
