He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
