i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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