Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
