dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I understand Curling. That high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
