Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
