And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
