Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
