My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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