I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
