Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
