wrigley field is MILF paradise
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my liver is dry heaving
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
