I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
