nut hugger
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Two words: nipple clamps
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