yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
