I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
