when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
