I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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