LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
