ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
