I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
