I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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