apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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