I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
