Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
