Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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