90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
