I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
