dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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