i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
