What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
