Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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