So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
