Pregnant stripper...not hot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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