The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
