So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
