One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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