u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think my moral compass just broke
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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