listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
