I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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