the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
